The Mexican people celebrate death on November 2nd called Dia de los Muertos, “Day of the Dead” with festivities for all. Why almost everywhere else, death is so feared? Why is it common for people to fear the most common occurrence in this world? Where does this fear resonate from? So many questions that can’t simply be answered in a google search. I don’t fear death, yet I don’t want to cause unneeded suffering and despair to my family members and the small group of people I can call friends. Maybe one day, if I outlive them, I can go by choice instead of playing this long waiting game we call ‘age’; finally be free from this suffering. That’s not to say I don’t enjoy spending time with friends and family, and saying I don’t care about them, but my wish still stands.
It doesn’t matter what you do, depression always lingers. Just trying to move away from it is all anyone can do. Meds, distractions, activities with friends or any form of activity that doesn’t involve letting your thoughts run wild. Although self-reflection is good in some cases, I don’t think it’s something I can handle, at least for prolonged periods in isolation. I don’t know if it’s obvious what I am trying to say here so I will just say it, I hurt myself again. It doesn’t go away, these annoying thoughts of minor things I did all piled up on top of me whilst isolated. I wish we had a better understanding of the human mind; I still struggle to decide whether it’s worth living or not every day and I don’t know which side is correct. Do I just continue to suffer so others don’t, or do I finally act for myself instead of others…
So today I took a hike with my father and his dog. Twas nice. Here are some photos:
Plan on doing this again sometime. Good time killer and good exercise.
It’s been told a million times before; most people either have it or know it’s damaging effects to the human psych. It’s no surprise I suffer from it on a daily basis for a long time now for those who know me on a personal level. What I can say works best is the drugs prescribed to me. It requires a lot of trial and error, but eventually you can find one that numbs the voices and pain.
Everyone claims that talking about your problems help but really it doesn’t, at least from my experience thus far. The drugs are the only thing keeping me going, duloxetine 60mgs is working wonders. Although it’s not ideal to be taking a massive pill every morning, at least I don’t want to jump onto the tracks every time I ride the transit. It took 3 different prescriptions before I found the one.
Placebo always occurs at first, so it takes time before you know it’s working. I’m glad I’ve finally found the one.
Little late, but I got a job at TD Waterhouse and it’s been quite the wild ride to say the least. Lot of new experiences, most good and some bad but hey it’s something to be happy about regardless considering how hard it is to find work in Canada nowadays. Thankfully i’ve made myself the notable asset in the CTS (Client Transfer Services) team and had my contract extended until mid October.
I would say I hope to get on full time but education is a lot more important. October will be judgement day, and will determine if I do part time post-secondary or not. Not gonna lie though, working is a lot more fun than sitting in a classroom. It’s nice meeting people in a similar age range and learning something you like sure, but why do that when you can get money? (and not run the risk of getting f-ed over by something that’s out of your control)